Fowl babysitting
by TerraClearwater
Summary: Well, a girl named Keilah, fresh from America, has moved to Ireland. She ends up baby-sitting for Artemis' family, and she and Arty learn a lot from each other.
1. Chapter 1

"I hate this place!!!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I flung myself on the couch, awaiting Mom's reply.

"Okay, okay, what do you hate about it?" she smiled and sat down next to me.

"Oh, I don't know, uh, maybe the dark, gloomy, weather we're always having? Or the fact that you and Dad have to work all the flippin' time! Or that I'm so. Friggin'. BORED!!!!!!!!!!"

Maybe I should explain a few things. My name is Keilah Stuart, and I am 15 years old. Why am I having such a fit you ask? Because my Mom and Dad's stupid company just HAD to transfer us from our happy California town to stupid Dublin, which, as you know, is in IRELAND. CAN YOU NOW SEE MY-I hate this word, but it's the only one that really fits-DILEMMA? I HOPE SO.

"Well, if you're so bored," she ruffled my hair" then why don't you do something to meet new people."

"Yeah? Like what? Go knock on people's doors and ask if they have kids my age?" I asked sarcastically.

"No." she smiled "Babysitting."

"WHAT??????" I fell out of the couch.

"Babysitting. That's what I did when I moved to my new town when I was your age."

"And how the bloody hell- oh my God. Did I actually say that? Europe is rubbing off on me.-" I got up "am I going to do that? First off, we don't know anyone here, so how am I going to let people know a fifteen year-old girl is holding a baby-sitting service?"

"What I did. I sent out fliers."

"How convenient." I muttered

"Just try it. You'll meet new people, you'll earn money, and people will get a babysitter."

"Fine, fine. I'll send out some fliers, saying that I'm a babysitter. I've got nothing better to do." I gave in.

Mom smiled. "Don't worry, I'll help you out. It'll be fun."

"It better be."

And that's how I ended up spending my Saturday taping up fliers on telephone poles, mailboxes, and doors.

Toward the end of the day, I came upon this huge estate. I stopped my bike, and slowly approached the house. On the iron gate, I could barely make out the phrase, "Aurum Est Potestas".

I shrugged." Whatever." I muttered, and taped a flier on the gates.

That was one of the worst mistakes I had ever made.

A couple of days later, I heard the phone ring.

"Hello?" I asked as I picked it up.

"Hello, is there a Miss Keilah Stuart available in this residence?" I heard a young-sounding male voice answer.

"Eh…this is her. How may I help you…. uh…sir?" The voice couldn't possibly be an adult's. It sounded like a teenager, fifteen at the oldest.

"I am calling from the Fowl residence. We are looking for a sitter for two twin boys."

"Oh. That's great. I'll be happy to sit for you." I started to relax.

"Do you have experience?"

"Oh, sure. I babysat for my little cousins and some families in our old neighborhood."

"Excellent. This is a long-term job, however. For five days, actually."

"Oh. Well, I-"

"Have to get your parent's consent, I presume." He finished for me.

"Right. May I have your phone number? So I can call you back after I ask my parents?"

"Certainly. It is 086-871-4880."

I scribbled down the number on a note pad. "Thank you. I'll call you back as soon as I can."

"Brilliant. I shall be expecting your call, Miss Stuart." And he hung up.

Luckily, my parents were both in the kitchen, so I got a chance to talk to both of them at once. After a brief whispered talk, they both agreed to let me baby-sit the Fowl children.

I dialed the number of the Fowls, and the same young voice answered.

"Your parents said yes, I presume?"

"Yeah. Uh, what are the dates? And where do you live?"

"Number one Fowl Drive."

"Wow." I said, writing the address down "You have an entire street named after yourself, Mr. Fowl. That must be nice."

"Master Fowl."

"Al…all right. Master Fowl it is, then." Who did he think he was, anyway?

"And it is named after us because we are the only people living on the road."

"Oh. That's nice."

"And your first day begins in three days. You will report to Fowl Manor at nine o' clock sharp. You will stay there all day until ten o' clock. You will repeat this for the next four days."

"Alright. See you then, Mist--er, Master Fowl."

"Excellent. Goodbye, Miss Stuart." And he hung up.

"Weirdo." I muttered as I put the phone back in its cradle.

I went upstairs, and entered my room. I sat on my bed, and pulled out my acoustic guitar. I strummed a few notes on it, and started to hum along. I don't want to be a rock star or anything like that. I just…played. For fun. Nothing more. After playing a few bars, I sighed and put the instrument back on its stand. I got my pajamas on, and went to bed.

I didn't get any more phone calls the next few days, which was good, so I wouldn't have any other appointments the day I sat for the Fowls.

On the first day, I got up really early. I grabbed my backpack, and filled it with all sorts of stuff, like books to keep me occupied when the kids-or kids-were asleep, my Mp3 player, and other stuff.

When it was time to go, I grabbed the pack, hugged Mom and Dad goodbye, hopped on my bike, and rode off.

When I reached the address, I found that it was the old house I had found before (well, I found the gate, anyway. I couldn't see the house.). Boy, was I shocked! Then I realized that a big creepy iron gate was the perfect entrance to a house whose family had a creepy last name like Fowl.

"Uhh…. excuse me?" I called. "I'm Keilah, the baby-sitter. I'm here." I looked around for a call box, but there wasn't one. I did see a motion-activated camera in the corner of the gate. I waved at it a little, hoping someone watching would see me, but nothing happened.

I banged my fist on the gate, and then out of frustration, kicked it. I sighed. Maybe I had gotten the wrong date of something.

Then I heard a whirring sound. I looked up and found it was coming from the camera. Then I realized that there was a little red dot on the tip of my nose…

"Aw, crap." I muttered. It couldn't possibly be that the camera had a built in laser…

I ducked, and soon the bush behind me was more fried than a McDonald's cheeseburger, and that's saying something.

"Oh, crap." I whispered again, because the laser had re-directed itself to me. "Shoot."

I guess I shouldn't have said that, because the contraption was getting ready to shoot. I stayed still, in my crouched position, and closed my eyes, waiting for the burn.

"Look out!" a voice rang out, and I found myself being pushed hard, and I flew a few feet. I heard the laser blow something else up.

I opened my eyes, and found a boy, about 15, leaning over me.

"Are you all right?" he asked anxiously.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I started to get up.

"That gave me a scare." The boy said, helping me up.

"Well, I'm fine." I said.

"You must be the baby-sitter, Keilah."

"Oh. Yeah. That's me."

"I'm Artemis. Artemis Fowl." The boy took my hand to shake.

"Artemis? Isn't that a girl's name?"

The boy turned a bit red. "Yes, well." He scratched his neck. "It can also be a boy's name. It means 'the hunter'. And it was my father's name."

"Oookaaaay…." I said.

"And if I remember correctly," he smiled just a tad bit evil. "Isn't Keilah an Irish boy's name?"

"Don't push it." I said as I picked up my backpack.

"I'm the one who called." He said as he walked toward the now-open gate.

"Won't that thing shoot us again?" I asked nervously, pointing to the camera.

"If I'm with you, no." he answered, ushering me down the driveway.

The walk was a long one. I didn't get why these people needed so darn long driveways.

"Besides" I added as we walked down the gravel driveway " 'Keilah' is also a middle eastern girl's name. So you can get off my case with that, Mr. Maiden-goddess."

He raised an eyebrow. "Maiden-goddess? Charming."

"Whatever. Why is your driveway so flippin' long, anyhow?"

"We like our privacy." he said curtly.

"Your _privacy_? I mean, I know good fences make good neighbors, but isn't this a little much?"

"No, not when you have enemies."

I stopped dead. "And what is that supposed to mean?" I started walking again.

"What 'that' means is none of your business." he straightened his tie.

"And what about my bike?" I asked urgently. I looked behind me to see my bike, still up against the fence.

"Nobody comes down this street. So worry not of your bicycle."

I started to question my position...and my sanity. I mean, this place has laser cannons at the front gate. What next? A giant boulder rolling toward me in the front hall? Electrocuted doorknobs?

I eyed Artemis up and down. This kid looked like he stepped right out of a Dracula movie. His black suit and tie, super pale skin and raven hair...all the qualities of the vampire. I half expected him to turn to me and say "I vant to drink your blood!" And him being from the same country as Bram Stoker didn't make me feel any better. I shuddered.

And then there was his name: Artemis Fowl. Even though "Artemis" was a girl's name, it fit him somehow. He just looked like an "Artemis Fowl". The name was as creepy as the kid.

"We are nearly there." said Artemis. Then he took out a phone, a style I'd never seen before, and flipped it open. Out loud he said "674-3285", then held it up to his ear. I could faintly hear it ringing.

I took out my phone and suddenly felt like those kids who walk around with one of their wireless home phones. I put it back in my pocket.

"Butler, she's here. We shall reach the house in oh-five minutes." then he hung up

"Butler? Are you so ignorant that you don't know your own butler's name?" I shook my head.

"Ah, you are quite mislead, young lady."

"Young lady? I'm your age."

"Anyway," he said briskly "Butler is not my butler. He is my bodyguard. 'Butler' is his real name."

I stared. "You're 15. And you need a bodyguard? What do you do on your spare time, rob banks and hold people for ransom?"

He cleared his throat and straightened his tie again. "No, er, of course not."

I rolled my eyes. What a weirdo.

Suddenly, a clear song rang in the air.

And it came from my phone.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt.

Too sexy for my shirt.

Too sexy for my shirt.

So sexy…"

My blood ran cold, and then rushed to my face. I'm pretty pale, so I must have looked like a human fire hydrant.

Let me explain a few things here.

Ever since I'd gotten my first phone, people have gotten a kick out of changing my ringer. I don't know why, they just do. And it's not like they change it to cool songs, either.

My friend Clarisa (she's probably the one who put this last one on…all of hers are vulgar) has found a way to change it when I'm charging my phone on the computer. I have no other way of charging it, so I'm vulnerable to her. But I haven't the slightest clue how she does it, even from thousands of miles away.

I tried to compose myself, and flashed Artemis a huge, probably fake-looking smile. "I didn't choose this ring tone. My friend, my friend, she…" I stuttered, trying to force a laugh.

He just stared at me like I had just grown another head and had macaroni and cheese coming out of my ears.

My mouth felt dry. He probably thought I was crazy. He certainly had good reason to. I mean, what sane person looking for a job that involved kids had _this_ as their ringer? And what sane person let an _in_sane person baby-sit their kids?

Fate was cruel.

My phone was getting to "I'm too sexy for my car", so I decided I'd better do something to shut it up.

"Um…uh…can I…can I take this? It'll only take…a…"

He nodded, slowly.

"A…a second…" I took out my phone and glared at the caller I.D.

Oliver.

I answered. "Oliver, whaddaya want, I'm busy." I barked.

He answered with a quickly spoken train of words of which I only caught one or two.

I blinked. "You did what with who for _how many_ cookies?"

He sighed, his breath creating a crackling static sound in the earpiece.

"I didn't do _anything_ with _anyone_ for _any_ cookies." He said unhappily. "Today's Mom's birthday, so I made her some cookies, and-"

"_You_ made her cookies? Oh, good Lord, Oliver, you should know as well as I do that the typical teenage male should _not_ be allowed in the kitchen. It's practically common knowledge, actually."

He sniffed. "Whatever. Anyway, I put the cookies on a platter, and I turned around for a second-a _second_, Keilah- and when I turned back I saw Chester there, taking a bite out of one of them."

(Chester was his hamster.)

"Yeah, so?" I asked, wondering what the heck this had to do with me.

"It gets worse. He started shaking, and the next minute, he was on the ground, passed out. I don't know what to do, Keilah. You're the closest thing I know to an animal expert, and besides, if I called Clarisa, she'd _laugh_ at me."

Ho, boy. A choking hamster. I never claimed to be an animal expert (how could you truly be an expert on anything really useful when you're fifteen?) but I do have a seemingly vast knowledge of animal health and care. But at this particular moment, I could only think of one thing to say.

"Uh…give him CPR."

"_What!?!?_" I could practically hear him fall from his chair.

"CPR. You know, when you-"

"_I know what it is and I am not making out with my hamster._"

"You are not making out with him!" I glanced at Artemis to see if he was annoyed. Oddly, he looked rather amused. "You are simply…blowing air into him. Just do it, it'll be fine." I tried to assure him, (which isn't very easy if you know Oliver the way I do.)

"No! I- Chester!!! Aw, Chester, you're all right! Keilah, he woke up!" he said happily.

"That…that's great, Oliver." I said, amused myself. "Now, I've gotta go, now. I'm in the middle of something important. See ya."

"All right. Hey, you know we miss you out here, right?"

"Yeah. I'll call you guys later. 'Bye."

"'Bye."

We hung up. I sighed out of relief.

"A friend?" Artemis said conversationally. He glanced sideways at me.

I looked down at my navy blue high-tops. "Yeah. A friend. His hamster was in a life-or-death situation…"

Suddenly, I started to laugh. It was the absurdity of the sentence I had just said. It was simply just too strange.

"Who ever heard of a hamster in a life-or-death situation?" I giggled.

Artemis gave me another My-God-you-are-acting-pretty-psycho-right-now look.

I stopped my laughter immediately. It was not very professional…and God knows being in the company of Artemis Fowl definitely makes you want to act professional.

We walked a few more minutes in silence.

When the house came into view, I stopped in my tracks. The place was huge!

Artemis stopped and smiled at me. "Welcome to Fowl Manor." He said, gesturing grandly to the house before us.

If you could even call it a house. This was about ten, no, twelve times bigger than the biggest homes back in San Diego. It looked so old that if you took out the limo and the taxi out front, you could Photoshop this place into a medieval picture and it wouldn't look at all strange.

"Whoa…" I said under my breath. The grounds were wild, and unkept, and went on for miles.

In front of the house there was a large statue of a man. At least, I thought it was a statue. But after I saw that it was _walking_ toward us, I stopped again and gasped, which was so squeaky, people could probably mistake it for a hiccup.

Artemis grinned so evilly that I expected him to either sprout fangs or shout "It's aliiiiiiiive!!!!!"

Instead, he merely said "I think you can guess who _that_ is. But in case you can't, allow me to introduce to you my bodyguard, Butler."

The large man approached us, and before I could stop myself, I blurted out. "_Man, _was your mom an Amazon, or _what?!_"

The giant raised an eyebrow at me. Then the boy and his bodyguard shared a sideways glance.

Meanwhile, my head was pounding. Why in the world was I still doing there?! I should have run for it while I had the chance. Gone home. Or, better yet, Antarctica, far away from these people. I can live with penguins.

Maybe I was being overdramatic with my thoughts. But really, so many strange things had happened to me today. First, I almost became Kentucky Fried Keilah from a laser cannon at the front gate, which I know for a fact even the President doesn't have. Then there's this creepy Artemis guy, who almost makes Lord Voldemort look about as threatening as a pair of bunny slippers (Well, okay, maybe a pair of _Godzilla_ slippers). Then there's the house itself, which looks like it just time warped from Camelot. Oh, yes, let's not forget the seven-foot four giant bodyguard who could probably make Oscar de la Jolla pee his pants if he were here. All this and it wasn't even nine o' clock yet.

So, what was I still doing here?

My thoughts were interrupted by Artemis saying, "We had better go inside, Miss Stuart."

Of course, my mind was numb, so I said something real intelligent, like, "Huuuuuh…?"

"I said," repeated Artemis, sounding a bit annoyed, "We had better go inside, Miss Stuart. Your examination must take place immediately, before my parents depart."

Wait, examination? "What examination?"

Artemis remained silent as they began to walk toward the house.

"What examination?!?!?" I said louder, following them.

Still no reply.

"You said nothing about an examination." I said crossly. "You left out necessary information. That's illegal, you know."

Did I just see a ghost of a smile on his face?

"I can leave right now, you know." I continued. "I don't have to…" I trailed off, because no one was listening to my threats.

I sighed. 'Well.' I thought to myself. 'Into the giant house of certain insanity walks Keilah.'

And with that, I held my breath, and followed the boy and his body guard into the house.


	2. Chapter 2

The first things I noticed when I entered the house were the huge gothic arches on the ceiling, black, and ornately designed. There was an ebony double staircase (I could tell it was ebony from the intense black color and its shine) and black marble tiles decorated the floor.

"Wow…" I said under my breath.

He turned to the left. "Your examination will take place in the library, Miss Stuart."

The way he said "examination" was like the way someone would say "execution".

Well, even if his parents _are_ my employers, and, sure, I ought to be treating him with respect, he _could_ take a few seconds to tell me what was going on. He could have at least told me on the phone: "Oh, yes, Miss Stuart, one more thing, I must mention that upon your arrival I will be examining you. What? You didn't know people could examine their babysitters? Well, I happen to be a first-class creep, so that's how I do things around here! I shall see you then, and don't forget we have a laser cannon in our front yard, ta now."

Okay…maybe he wouldn't do _exactly_ that, but he could have mentioned something, at least. When you sign up to join the marines, you kinda need to know you're putting your neck on the line, right? So I don't see why he didn't just _tell_ me that there would be an examination. It was simple, really. It didn't take a genius…

Speaking of which, I could kind of tell this guy was a genius, and if not, he was definitely extremely intelligent. Just by the way he talked, the way he pronounced every syllable he spoke, every word so clear…just by the way he sounded so sure of himself, like he knew he was always right…which he probably was. I don't mean to sound immodest when saying this, but, I am pretty smart, too. I've taken advanced Science, English and History classed since 6th grade. But I act normal, despite that. _This_ guy, however, acts like a first class snot.

When I made it into the library, I saw no one. Zero. Zilch.

'Oh, _come-on_.' I thought, irritably. Where's he gone to, now? Are they hiding? Is _this_ the examination? If so, how do you _hide_ a man that _big_? Artemis could probably hide, (even if he is a freakin' giraffe-tree…he looks about 6"3!), but the other guy…what was his name? Alfred? No, no, it was Butler, that's it, Butler.

Well, wherever they've gone, it gave me a chance to look around the room.

Every wall was filled with _books_. Hundreds of books, maybe _thousands._ It was a huge library. As I approached a wall, I recognized several titles: Great Expectations, Oliver twist, Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Robinson Crusoe, and, my personal favorite, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I had _Alice_ in my backpack, along with a couple of other books. I absolutely love to read, along with other things, and my favorite books are fantasy. I've read all the classics I can get my hands on, and there's still so more…

I stroked the spine of _Alice_…

"Take a seat, Miss Stuart."

My head snapped around to see Artemis standing beside me, a cold look on his face. No, wait, cold isn't the right word for it. _Professional_ was more like it. And the reason it looked so odd on him was because he was so…young. He didn't wear a teenage professional look on his face; he had more of an adult's.

"Whoa! Where'd you come from?" I asked, looking around. Wait, _did_ I want to know where he came from? "Never mind, don't answer that." I said quickly.

"You seem to change your mind frequently, Miss Stuart." He said, making a note on a small notepad. He raised an eyebrow at me.

Oh my God. Is he seriously going to take _notes_ on me? Really? Well, I couldn't do anything about it…at least he's taking notes on me, I guess, and not just doing this for no reason.

He gestured to a small table near us "Take a seat." He repeated, in a more impatient tone of voice.

I sat down in one of the chairs. Butler was standing at attention, as if Artemis was the President, or something. Oh, well, there are weirdos everywhere, I suppose.

Artemis sat across from me and put his notebook before him.

"Now, first…tell me, what is your full name?" he asked.

"Uh…Keilah Stuart."

"Your _full_ name, Miss Stuart."

"…You mean, with my middle name? But I don't like my middle name, it's stupid…" I complained.

"Your full name, please." He repeated in a Don't-Make-Me-Ask-Again type of voice.

I sighed, embarrassed, (and vaguely reminded of that scene from Spy Kids) and grumbled, "Keilah Eowyn Stuart."

Thanks a lot, Dad, ya Lord of the Rings addict!

"Eowyn? I see." Artemis looked a bit amused. "Is that not the name of the heroine from-?"

"Yes." I interrupted quickly. "Yes, it is."

"Right then. What sort of…experience do you have in this field?"

_Field_? You've _got_ to be kidding me. "I babysat for younger cousins, and other kids in the neighborhood."

"Had there ever been any problems?"

"Uh…no."

"Good." He made another note. "Now, what do you fear most of losing?"

"Well, now that I…Hey, wait a sec, why would you ask me something like that?"

"Why should I not?"

"'Cause it's _personal_!"

"It's merely a question…"

"Yeah, _technically_ it's merely a question, but that's not something you just _ask_ people!" I could already tell he was _not_ going to get a girlfriend easily. I mean, if he asked me, a potential babysitter, what I fear most of losing, then what would he ask a potential _girlfriend_ on their first date?

"I see." He glanced up at his bodyguard. "Then I suppose I shall refrain from asking those sorts of questions, Miss Stuart. If they offend you."

"They don't _offend_ me, I just don't feel comfortable with people asking me those kinds of things." I snapped. "But…thank you." I added.

"Hm." Was all he said in reply. "Can you tell me if you have any allergies? That is, if it doesn't _offend_ you." He added icily.

I could see that we were going to have a rocky relationship. "_No._ Not an all, _Master Fowl._ I happen to be allergic to dust mites, as a matter of fact."

He did a slight double take when I mentioned this. "How…interesting." He muttered as he wrote this fact down. "That happens to be the exact same allergy I have. What a coincidence."

"Well, it isn't exactly cancer, you know. It's pretty common."

"Yes, well…never mind that. Do you have cooking skills?"

Eh…does making kick-ass Mac 'n cheese count? "Yes, I have…moderate cooking skills."

"Can you make caviar?"

What was caviar, again? "Er…sure." I wasn't lying, exactly. For all I know, I could be great at making caviar!

Then we got to the simpler questions:

"What is your age?"

"Fifteen."

"What grade are you in?"

"Tenth."

"Do you like animals?"

"Didn't you hear me suggest to my friend to do CPR on his hamster? Of _course_ I love animals!"

"Do you like children?"

"Yes! Kids are awesome!"

" Have you received any specialized training for child care such as first aid or CPR, attended a babysitter course, or taken related school courses?"

"Well, I do know how to do CPR. And I've learned my babysitting from experience."

"Are your immunizations current?"

"…_Sure._"

"Is there an adult or family member nearby in the event of an emergency whom you could contact?"

"Yes, my parents work nearby. Very close, in fact."

"What is your overall child care philosophy?"

Philosophy, eh? "Well, I would say that in order to keep a child mentally healthy, you have to help him exercise his imagination."

"Does that mean you plan on leaving them _alone_ to 'exercise' their imaginations?"

"Of course not!" I exclaimed. "What I mean by that is that I plan on playing _games_ with them, games that will get their brain moving."

"Can you deal with anxiety?"

"I've got nerves of steel."

"Yes…well…it looks like I have asked all the questions I can ask you at the present moment. Now, for one more question. It may seem a little odd, yes, but please

bear with me…it is relevant, Miss Stuart, so please take it seriously…Miss Stuart…" he leaned forward and looked straight into my eyes. "Do you believe in Faries?"

And I looked straight into his eyes and replied, "Yes, Master Fowl. I do."


	3. Chapter 3

Artemis looked at me a moment after I answered this. I had seen his eyes widen for about a fraction of a second, then go back to their normal size.

"And…" He placed the notebook and the pencil down and neatly folded his fingers. "_Why_ would you believe this?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I guess I just do."

"There's no proof they exist." He pointed out.

"There's no proof that they _don't_ exist." I countered.

He thought a moment. "Well, if you go by _that _logic, I could very well say that there's no proof that there _isn't_ any proof they do not exist. By your logic, that is."

"Well, could you give me proof they do not exist?" I challenged. Honestly, this guy was getting on my nerves.

"One word, Miss Stuart: Science." He held up his index finger.

"What the Hell does _science_ have to do with anything?" I snapped. This was a pretty stupid topic, anyway; couldn't he have asked me which soccer team I liked, or something?

"Traditionally, fairies were supposed to help explain nature. How the seasons change, how the leaves change color, et cetera. If there is a logical explanation for all these things, then fairies are no doubt out of the picture. Care to counter?"

"Yes, I would love to counter." I glared, and then held up an index finger of my own. "One: you say that fairies are totally out of the picture because of modern science. Two: You are wrong, because, if faeries were real, how do we know what they do? For all we know, they could be the reason behind why our _toilets_ get clogged up from time to time!" I placed a hand on my hip and continued. "Three: I say that fairies may exist because there isn't any proof that they don't! And Four: I am right, because there is no way to counter my point that I myself wouldn't be able to counter." I placed both hands on my hips and awaited a response.

Artemis stared at me with an amused look in his face. "You used the Four Steps of Effective Rebuttal right now." He said, incredulously.

"Yeah, so?"

"I did not think you knew how to debate. It wasn't on your…"he trailed off, looking a tad bit uncomfortable.

"It wasn't on my _what_?" I asked, looking hard at him.

"…On your flier. It was not on your flier that you could debate. I am somewhat surprised."

"Well, why the Hell would I put that on a flier? What am I gonna do, _debate_ with the kids? Honestly." I snapped, a bit nastily, I admit. But hey, I think that I am totally entitled to a bit of nastiness, considering what this guy is putting me through.

"I suppose you wouldn't." He said after a few moments. "Put it on the flier, that is. And I suppose you have proved your point. To an extent." He smirked, and I had a feeling he couldn't help but add that last part out of cheek. He began to scribble something else down on the notepad.

I scowled for a nanosecond, and then calmed down. I grinned wryly. "So, _Master_ Fowl. Do _you_ believe in faeries?"

His writing froze for about half a second (which is a _lot_ longer than a nanosecond, I will tell you that.) and then his expression returned to normal. "I believe I will not answer that question, Miss Stuart." He said, coldly looking up at me.

"Ah. So you _do_ believe in faeries. Lovely." I said, leaning back in my chair, satisfied. I glanced at Butler, who had seemed to be watching our conversation with great interest, no matter how _un_interested a face he may try to pull.

"I never said that, Miss Stuart." Artemis said, simply.

"Exactly. But you didn't say no, either." I grinned.

"I'm sure I do not know what you mean."

"Come on, it doesn't take a doctorate in Psychology to figure _this_ out. It was the simple fact that you _didn't _say yes _or_ no that proves that you _do_ believe in faeries."

"Explain."

"Well, if a man is accused of murder, and when they ask him 'Did you murder this person?', and if he didn't, why in God's name would he answer, 'I'm not going to answer that question.' when he could just say 'No.' and have it all done with? Give me one good reason."

When he didn't answer, I continued. "Now, if the man _is_ guilty, but cannot lie, then he could answer 'I am not going to answer that question.' and not technically confess. But if he does that, unless the lawyers are all _dense_, then anyone would be able to tell he is guilty. So, Master Fowl," I stood up and leaned across the table. "I hereby pronounce you guilty of believing in faeries!" I grinned.

He looked at me a moment, then slowly stood up. He looked at me in the eye.

Square in the eye.

We stood there staring for a while, me grinning coyly and him giving me a studious gaze. My eyes looking into his. His eyes looking into mine. Our faces five inches away from each other.

I had to admit. This guy had a good poker face.

Well. So did I.

A moment later, he closed his eyes and opened his mouth to say something when the door to the library swung open.


	4. Chapter 4

"Arty? Arty, are you in here?" I heard a feminine voice ask accompanied by the click-clack of heels against the hard wood flooring.

"Ah, yes, Mother, I am. Miss Stuart and I have just finished our interview." Artemis nodded.

I turned around to see a tall, pale woman walking towards us. She wore an emerald green suit with matching earrings—real emeralds, no doubt—and dark red lipstick. Her hair was a dark rosewood shade, almost black but shined red in the light. On her face was a wide, yet graceful, smile that lit up her beautiful features.

_This_ was Artemis' mother? Wait, Artemis even _had_ a mother? No. Surely he became an orphan at an early age and was sent to live with some distant uncle that either ignored him or exploited him and he became the evil little prick he is today. And even if he _did_ have a mother, surely she was The White Witch or Nurse Ratched or something. But not this pretty, kind, adoring (judging by her nickname) woman who was probably capable of bringing puppies back to life with her used tissues.

Artemis stood up and I got the feeling that I really ought to, as well, so I got up as fast as I could.

"Good, good! We're going to be leaving soon, so…" Then she finally noticed my presence. "Ah, so _this_ is Miss Stuart! How do you pronounce your name, dear, I only read it on your flier…"

"Um, like 'Kayla'. Pleased to meet you, ma'am." I said, holding out my hand to shake.

"'Kayla'? That's lovely! And so _unique_! So how do you do, Keilah?" she said, shaking my hand. When she withdrew her hand she held her hand to her chin and cocked her head, as if she was studying me. "Now, aren't you adorable! I can already tell the twins will love you—isn't she adorable, Arty?" she said, looking to her son for a response.

"I will make no comment." Was his icy reply. "Which does not translate to any specific answer." He added quickly, glaring at me. I raised my eyebrow back at him.

Mrs. Fowl looked puzzled for a moment, but continued. "As I said, I can already tell the twins will love you…Oh, goodness, I forgot to introduce myself! I am Angeline Fowl, Arty's mother. But of course you already know that!" She laughed a musical laugh as she linked her arm with mine. "So, Arty, I take it she's a yes?" She looked to her son.

So this was the moment of truth. Was I staying, or was I leaving?

Artemis looked at Butler for a moment, then turned his icy gaze to me.

I stared defiantly back. I was willing to do whatever they wanted me to do.

He then closed his eyes and said quietly, "Yes, Mother, I have found Miss Stuart sufficient in the field of childcare and she will be staying on for the time you and father are gone."


End file.
